Maker’s Diary: I can’t wait

I am finally home….yey. My inbox is very full but I am going to take a day off to recover and rest my poor Edinburgh feet. I am sure it can all wait for one more day.

Maker’s Diary: New Writing

I am at the airport in Edinburgh still…suppose to be home by now but my flight has been delayed by more than 3 hours! Oh joyful! I was flicking through my notes and remembered that I wrote a couple of ‘tape texts’ while sat in the C-Bar at various points waiting for Charlie or shows. Since I have some time to kill I might as well share them with you now.

Voicemail: Mum

Beep-Date-Time.
Mum?
Pause. Speaking through tears and snot.
Mum are you there?
Pause.
Mum pick up please.
Beat.
Mum, I don’t know what to do I think I am loosing the baby and I don’t know what to do.
Beat.
It really hurts and I don’t know what to do.
Wails.
I’m so scared, there’s so much blood, he’s at work, it hurts so much, I’m scared mum
Pause. More desperate now.
Mum I don’t know what to do I’m so scared and I don’t want to loose another one
Moans of pain.

Beep-Date-Time
It’s me
Pause
Where are you?
Beat
I’m at the hospital; I can’t get hold of anyone. Where the fuck are you Mum?
Pause.
Please Mum, when you get this you need to call me.
Breaks down. In a whisper.
I lost the baby
Pause.
I’m not pregnant anymore.
Pause.
Please just come, hurry.

Beep-Date-Time
They’re keeping me in, gotta be ‘cleaned out’, as the nurse put it but they can’t do that until first thing.
Pause
Just thought you might want to know. Don’t bother coming up, it’s too late for visitors and he’s here now, so I am not on my own.

Dialogue: Sorry

Male: Look at me, please look at me. Christ!
(Pause)
Doesn’t matter what I say, does it?
(Pause)
Does it?
Pause
Fuck. Say something, anything. Yell, go on, tell me what you think of me, tell me what you’re thinking.
(Long Pause)
Fine. Just sit there in silence, think what the fuck you like
(Beat)
Whatever!
(Pause)
I’m sorry
(Long pause)
I don’t know what you expect me to say. What do you want me to say?
(Pause)
For fucks sake, you won’t even look at me! Are you gonna say something or just sit there like a mute fucking lump. This is pointless.
(Pause)
I’m sorry, I am. Sorry

Female: Sorry! Sorry! Fucking Sorry; sorry for what you did or sorry that you got caught out?

Male: Do you even have to ask me that, c’mon what do you think?

Female: Well evidently yeah, I do have to ask. I don’t know, I just don’t know what to think anymore.
(Pause)
I don’t know what to think.
(Pause)
You wanted to talk, so talk.
(Beat)
Well? Speak then, explain it to me, make me understand why you would do that because I really don’t get it.
(Pause)
Well, what’s the fucking problem? Speak.

Male: I don’t know what you want me to say.

Female: How’s about you start by explaining why you felt the need to FUCK MY BEST FRIEND! Lets start there shall we?

Male: I’m sorry, I’m really fucking sorry. I do love you.

Female: Oh shut up you filthy fucking dog, you obviously don’t know the meaning of the word. You love me so much that you had to share it with my best friend, is that it. Nice, real nice.
(Beat)
You fucking dog, you cheating bastard, horny dog. I hope you are pleased with yourself; cock sated, ego satisfied is it?

Male: You’re right, I am a fucking dog. I’m sorry. Just tell me what you want, tell me what you want me to do, what you want me to say? Tell me how I can fix this, coz I love you, shit I really love you. Tell me what to do.

Female: Take it back

Male: What?
(Pause)
What do you mean?

Female: Take it back, make it so it never happened.

Male: I can’t. I wish I could, Fuck, you know I can’t. I’m sorry though, really sorry; you have no idea/

Female: No, you’re right, I have no idea, so why don’t you explain it to me because I really don’t understand.

Male: What do you want to know?

Female: I want to know how you can tell me that you love me with the same mouth that was on her body.
(Long Pause)
Didn’t think so.
( Pause. In a whisper)
Get out.

Male: What?

Female: Get out

Male: No, we’re not done yet.

Female: Take it back or get out.

Male: I’m not leaving til we have properly talked this through. I still love you.

Female: You can’t take back what you did, so there is nothing to talk about.

Male: At least let me explain, we need to talk it through, be sensible. I need to explain.

Female: Explain what? You keep banging on about explaining but you haven’t yet. What, explain how you just had to put your cock in her? Explain how you just had to press your lips on hers, how it felt, how she felt, how you made her scream. Huh, explain what! c’mon then, explain what? I’m not fucking interested, boo fucking hoo, I don’t give a shit! You did it, you cheated, you screwed her, you put your cock in her mouth, you fucked up.
(Beat)
Can you take it back?
(Beat)
Can you take it back?

Male: NO!

Female: Then just get out, get out you cheating fucking dog, get out.
(Pause)
GET OUT

Male: Fine, fine, whatever, if that’s what you want. I’ll come back when you have calmed down. I’m sorry ok, I just need you to know that, I really am so sorry. I love you, I’m sorry.

Female: Sorry. Sorry indeed! That makes two of us then, a right fucking sorry pair. Now get out.

I am still really fed up now; I can’t even smoke…..arrgghh! I am going to take
another look around duty free at things I can’t buy I think!

Reflective Participant: Attempt 3:4

I am totally mashed but I saw a really great devised piece tonight and then spent far too many hours drinking in the bar with the cast…hence being slightly mashed now. Awesome…repetition…it’s a game…multiple narratives of the city crash and weave repeat but for difference…its all a game….a process…exposing the nature of play…the nature of theatricality. Ahhh there is some really weird dude staring at me from over the top of his screen……Eeek I hope he doesn’t follow me. I am going to leave when he next sips his coke and is not looking.

Reflective Participant: Six Women

I have just participated in the most incredible experience and to think I almost bloody missed it! Being held by a butoh performer, touching, sharing, weeping together-it was awesome. Another possible case study. The director is currently sat in the C-bar so I am going to try and catch her for a chat.

Reflective Participant: Just To(o) Long(?)

What an awesome performance!!!!!!! This is definitely going to feature as a case study I think. I have written reams and reams of notes about this performance….its like a running commentary. I am too tired to type it all up now but here are a few quick thoughts.

-secret location…had to navigate my way there after a secret text…like a spy!
-blindfolds.
-Kazoo’s
-strawberries, iced gems, stew
-taffeta dresses and the antiques road show

I am going to endeavour to make contact with the artists and it will help that they are part of escalator.

Reflective Participant: Hurrah!

After getting off to such a terrible start this year, things are looking up for sure! I saw two great performances today that I enjoyed a great deal. One was very intimate and thought provoking (A Nocturnal Suite), the other just simply blew me away (Fuerzabruta)! I don’t think that either will be Case Studies but I am excited about them none the less! I think that cyber café is shutting shortly, so I had best wrap it up but once again, an awesome day.

Reflective Participant: An Audience with Adrienne

I was really inspired by An Audience with Adrienne tonight and coming after a few days of dreary performances I am glad, as I was starting to loose the will to see more theatre! I am considering this performance as a possible case-study, so I wanted to briefly share my thoughts. I am not going to go into full details as I am paying for access by the 1\2 hr- so the highlights will do.
-the setting was the recognisable social space of a lounge or living room. It was very cosy and did not feel staged or like set.

-Adrienne is clearly in character but addresses all of the audience in a relaxed manner. He treats us as guests rather than as audience. Although we do watch some of his ‘performance’ moments because of the liminal space that he has created it becomes more of a sharing. We are present as his guests in his private space.

-he engages us in conversation and we are encouraged to share personal stories with him and the other audience who are present. It is very relaxed. We also got to choose from a ‘menu’ of things that we wanted him to talk about. It was autobiographical. We all share the same conceptual and material space with the performer too.

-we had to complete little tasks-like building a mini sandcastle in pairs.

Great!

I have many many more thoughts about this performance but those are some of the aspects of dramaturgy that I think are striking in terms of participative performance.

Maker’s Diary: Taking a Break

I have re-posted my advert for performers but have not had anything back yet. I am not too surprised it being the hols an all. Right I am off on annual leave for a week or so and then after that will be heading to Edinburgh Fringe festival. I will do my best to keep everything up to date while I am away and in Edinburgh.

Reflective Practitioner: Research Aims

After the last two rounds of experiments I need to ensure that I mamage to fully realise a ‘participative’ dramaturgy this time. I have been thinking about the research aims of the project and how these translate in a practical manner to the up and coming process- I don’t want to loose sight of my objectives again in the madness of creative practice and all that entails.

I need to:

1. Through space and architecture create a liminal space that is a social hybrid- it needs to be recognisable enough for the audience to understand the contracts of the space but not fully! The liminal space needs to be on the cusp of something new. The hybrid performance space needs to avoid being fixed and instead must straddle the slippages between life and art. Thus I MUST eliminate any barriers or divides. The performers and audience must occupy the same material and conceptual space from the very start. It is from this space that liminoid acts are possible.

2. The structure of the performance needs to operate in the same way as the space- it needs to be an invitation to ‘commit acts’, an invitation to shallow play. I need to construct the fabric of the performance out of games, rules and tasks that have their roots in life praxis rather than performance or drama.

3. Generating social hybrid space and the opportunity for play are the main objectives of this round of experiments.

In terms of the work that is needed, this is how I see our objectives in terms of the production process:

-To generate new games that will create material about HER, as an invitation to play.

-To generate more speeches

-To generate material for the tapes.

-To generate an overriding rule/game/task that marshals all of our activity as invitations for the audience to play.

These are the things that the performers will need to think about:

-their relationship to HER and the other performers/their performance presence.

-their relationship to the audience in performance and in the booth.

-generating a digital process diary/blog

Maker’s Diary: Casting Call

I posted an advert on the staff & student portal for performers and sent out e-mails to any students that had previously shown an interest but were not able to commit before for various reasons. Lets just wait and see what happens.