Makers Diary: Third Session

We spent most of today’s session developing and blocking the Moon text and the Rape text. It was evident that the performers had not really had a chance to look over the texts before the session, which was disappointing. Despite this, Nikki, Debbie and Richard responded really well to the texts and the level of concentration and investment was fantastic! I think that they all feel so much more comfortable with a script of sorts in their hands. I guess it is a safer option than devising. However, we did not simply approach the texts and discuss how to interpret them, instead we looked at the performer’s relationship to the texts and how the texts related to the themes, we looked at ways that we could present and deliver the texts rather than how we could act them. Nikki and Debbie were particularly inspired by this way of working and offered up some really insightful and imaginative ways of delivering and presenting the texts. This session felt as though we were all connecting and collaborating to generate fragments of stories and thoughts that the audience would be able to make something of, which is really exciting.

We played a few games so that the performers could continue developing their performance presence/personae/s. We spent a lot of time playing I went to the death shop- instead of sex toys-like in the traditional game, we had to think about buying objects that would enable us to commit suicide. This game generated some really imaginative and exciting material and resources for the performers to draw on. Nikki, Debbie and Richard really invested in this game and took it as far as it could go, pushing at the boundaries and breaking the rules. They seem to have fun and bond as well as create. There were some really gruesome and risqué offerings. I think that this game was a really fun way to help them get underneath and into the darker more macabre side of the theme woman and trauma. We had a long discussion about women who take their own lives and how so many icons or talented women have chosen this an option. We also discussed how many fictional female characters also meet this end in theatre literature both classical and contemporary. We discussed Sarah Kane as an example and the ways that she portrays that in her writing. We discussed Ophelia, Phaedra, Marilyn Monroe, Sylvia Plath and Cleopatra. We decided that suicide was something that fascinated us in relation to femininity and female iconography and was something that we wanted to explore through the texts and in the personas.

I am really excited by today’s session- we got so much work done and it really felt like we were starting to work together as a team to build something together-I hope we can keep moving in this direction at this pace-yey!

Here is the Rape text blocking: (we did not get done with the moon text but will continue that at our next session)


HIM is sat on the tall block, SHE is off to SL lying on her stomach and HER is standing up leaning on HIM.

HER: (HER comes forward as she begins to speak to FCS) Her soft canvass pumps crunched lightly on the small coloured pebble path. In the crisp, cool air, the sound seemed to echo out across the sleeping hills and houses. It was dark

HIM: (HER does not turn her body to them, only her head as they speak and interrupt) Was it dark? Not dusk?

HER: No, it was definitely dark.

SHE: How dark?

HER: As dark as the blackest night, but with a beautiful pale moon.

HIM: (As HIM starts to speak, he gets up and moves to SL side of HER) As black as aces, with a pale round moon hung low in the sky like a sinking diamond bobbing in a black sea.

HER: So it was dark, very dark; with a full moon. (SHE starts to walk up all the blocks until she is on the top one)

SHE: She nearly always met him in the dark, it suited him, it was part of what made him special, their secret and special midnight meets.

HIM: (HIM walks over to the middle block and steps up and HER starts to walk to the smallest block) So it was dark

HER: (Her steps onto the smallest block) With a full moon. (Beat. All step to the edge of their blocks. Beat. Look up)

SHE: She took meandering steps until the glow from the street lamp ended in a fuzzy line at her feet; she hesitated at stepping into the disparate light. (Him breaks the performance stance)

HIM: (HIM steps off his block and moves to the tall block, looking up at SHE) Disparate? Is that the right context?

SHE: (Irritated, looking down at HIM) Ok. Beat. (SHE tries to get back to it) She hesitated at stepping beyond the fading light.

HER: (HER gets down and comes forward to join HIM) I don’t like fading….it’s too…you know..
(Pause)
Ooh, I’ve got it. (They all rush back to their blocks. Beat) She hesitated at stepping beyond the luminous arc of safety, spilling from the street. (Beat, all take a deep breath and exhale for count of 4. Beat. All look SL)

HIM: She wrinkled her nose, took in a deep breath (Beat. All turn head to the front and take a deep breath, exhale for 4 count. Beat. All take a step onto the next block, except SHE, who steps onto the floor) and pushed on with hesitant footsteps further down the path. Although a/

SHE: Although a sinking feeling was nagging at her stomach and burning like acid in her throat, she pushed on. It was/

HER: He raped her.

HIM: Not yet. (Sighs and sits down on tall block)

SHE: (SHE walks over to HER and puts her back to the audience, placing her hand on HER’s shoulder, talking directly to HER) You have to build the suspense first, you know build them up to it, so that it comes as a shock. If you just blurt it out, then there is no story to tell, no progression. They don’t even know about him yet, the reason she was foolish, (SHE comes forward and starts to address the audience) the reason she was there, in the dark, alone. The reason she was making her way by the light of the moon underneath the murmuring canopy, darkness cloying to her like a liquid. (Ends up very SL)

HER: (Moves across to HIM and pulls him to his feet, brings HIM down FCS) He raped her. (She turns HIM sideways on towards HER)
He hitched her dress up over her arse (She holds up HIM’s hands), pulled her white pants to one side (She turns herself into his grip, with his back to her) and raped her. (She puts his hand on her shoulder and bends forward) He slid his cock deep inside (she moves her first clenched, forward and downward in a thrusting motion and does two whole body thrusting motions as she does the next line) and he raped her as she screamed.

HIM: (Just turns his head to the side to address the audience) He was waiting, poised behind the dark shadows, hidden and immanent. A deep secluded threat. (SHE starts to come over)

SHE: Stop, hang on not yet. (SHE pulls them apart but HER and HIM maintain eye contact) Tell them the story in full, tell them properly. Tell them how she was on her way to him, to meet her love in their secret place, their special place by the sea. Don’t just skip to the crunch.

HIM: (He begins to move round the back of her but keeping eyes contact, until he is up close behind her, over her shoulder SL) Brooding in the darkness of his concealed position, his jealousy congealed and festered, setting solid his resolve. (SHE climbs up onto the tall block and attempts to ignore them and her moves to MCS, keeping eye contact with HIM) He had seen the way she looked at him, how she teased him with her eyes.

SHE: Spurred on by the thought of her lover waiting in the moonlight, skimming pebbles out across the silvery sea. Waiting for her. Needing her. Aching for her.

HER: He raped her (SHE leaps off her block, puts her hand over HER’s mouth and wrestles her to the ground)

SHE: (Kneeling over HER, with hand still on HER mouth) Stop, you will confuse them. (Let’s go and looks at the audience, sitting back on her heels) Tell them she knew he would be waiting. Waiting to embrace her and to envelope her, desiring her. Waiting. Wanting.

HIM: She was raped in the bushes by the footpath, near the sea.
Beat. (HIM looks at them)
(Him looks at the audience) But nobody did see. (Her sits up on her elbows and extends her hand to HIM)

HER: (He moves over to HER and helps her to get to her feet, they hold hands and move forward to FCS. SHE gets onto the tall block and HER does a dance hold turn into HIM) He pushed it deep inside her, muffling the screams with his dirty, large hand. The feel of her teeth on his skin, only added to the pleasure.

SHE: Tell them how he would kiss her mouth so gently, softly; his lips on hers. His soft black fringe lolling across his forehead and brushing lightly on her cheek. His eyes on hers. His shallow, hot breath on her skin. These thoughts pushed her on down the dark path, pushed her on to him.

Him: (HIM looks at HER) He raped her.

SHE: She imagined his kisses like a summer’s breeze, how they would embrace and sink slowly to their knee’s. Just past the footbridge and she would almost be there.

HER: (HER rolls back out of the dance hold and breaks hands but he steps forward and grabs hold of the back of her hair, pulling her onto tip toes, HER body rigid) His knee’s dug into the ground; under the force of his rhythmic driving. He drove it deeper and harder into her. Grunting as he took it, took her, using her up with only the moon looking down.

HIM: (HIM pushes HER onto her knees, still holding her head up)His coarse hands pulling at her flesh, gripping her too tightly, his think fingers tangled in her hair, pulling, hurting. His body heavy on hers. His putrid breath, fast and hot on her flesh, as he took it, took her, used her up. (He gets to his knees and presses her forehead to the floor)Tears springing from her wide eyes, making silent tracks down her cheeks but only to find his dirty thick fingers where her mouth should be.

HER: (HER turns her face to look at the audience) He pressed down on her head to keep her from squirming under his grip; he was so close now, driving his rude and uninvited phallus into her.

HIM: (He flips her onto her back) He raped her

HER: (HER pushes her hand up to his chest trying to get him off her and they struggle) He raped her

HIM: (He grabs her waist and pulls her closer into him and they struggle more) Pushing, thrusting, he could smell her and he


SHE: (From off stage and SHE) STOP!

HIM and HER stop slowly get up and catch their breath. They move over to
SHE on the tall block. HIM is on her SR and HER on SL. Beat. HIM and HER
turn in so that they are side on to SHE. They do 6 organic fireman style hugs. Beat. HIM and HER turn to face the front, Beat SHE does an aerial scissor kick pushing off from their shoulders. As SHE lands, HIM and HER step back. HER gets the middle block and HIM gets the smallest block, they push them inline with the tallest block. They step up onto their blocks too. Beat. All eyes up. Beat

(Very long pause)
I pushed it with the very tips of my fingers (Beat. HIM turns into face SHE.).And it groaned like a weak old man getting up from his comfy chair. (SHE swings her FS leg up onto his shoulder and reaches into the air) I squinted at the sudden change to my wet, sore eyes; (SHE is down and HIM turns to face front again) the man made heat of the strip light buzzing on my cheeks. (Beat. All look up. Beat. All stretch both their hands out in front of them. Beat. All turn their palms up. Beat. All bring left hand up to face. Beat. All bring right hand up to face. Beat. All lick left hand. Beat. All lick right hand. Beat. All run hands down face and neck in a slow dragging motion. Beat. HIM and SHE start to do the shuddering breath soundscape and motions for 4 breaths. Beat. Shuddering breath continues as SHE speaks)

I stood still, entirely frozen for what felt like an age. Just standing glaring back at the pallid refection almost hidden by steam in the mirror. Looking at those big eyes, looking back at me. A stranger, so distant like a hallucination or ghostly trace of some distant memory. (Beat. HIM and HER stop breathing suddenly. Beat. All do 2 shuddering breaths. Beat. All do a circular body sway from R to L)

Beat

HER: I wrinkled my nose and frowned (Beat. All lift finger to nose and push. Beat all look to the L. Beat all look back to front. Beat. Drop hands to side), like an echo, she that stranger in the foggy looking glass frowned back. The tiny little wrinkles across my nose nudged forth a vague remembrance of a mischievous little girl; pouting at the dinner table when presented with sludgy green Brussel sprouts. Just a ghost now, confined to the depths of history; not even she could help me know. He had made sure of that. (Beat. They all hold hands. Beat they lean SHE out to the front. Beat and pull SHE back but they keep hold of each others hands) I stood so still, on the threshold of that room, the room.
Pause
HIM: She closed her eyes, put her weight forward and stepped in amongst the steamy clouds rising up from the hot water. (Beat. HIM and HER let SHE lean out to the front doing a dressage style foot dab. Beat. They pull SHE back to upright)
The cold, crisp white tiles underfoot made her gasp (Beat. They all look up. Beat. All gasp) as they made contact with her naked feet.

Beat

HER: Excitement was beginning to tickle from deep inside me and as I stepped up to the sink, butterflies were exploding in my tummy.
I placed both hands upon the immaculate white sink and steadied myself; I looked to those eyes again for courage but they stared back at me coldly, refusing any comfort. I stood still waiting for courage to come, searching for it within those eyes.
I thought I felt it begin to flood me, but it was panic rising up and gripping me violently. (Beat. All lean outwards. Beat. All back to upright)

HIM: (Off stage) “Stop it!” Her voice was muffled as though it were having to push up through something thick like treacle.
(Off stage)
“Get a grip” This time shrill and forced but somehow more familiar and comforting. It quelled the panic and set her resolve to reach up and open the cabinet. (Beat. HIM and HER turn to the side and SHE puts her back to the audience. Beat. HER holds one wrist with the other hand in front of her and HIM and HER step onto SHE’s block. Beat. HIM and HER lower SHE down, so that she is looking at the audience from upsidedown. Beat)

Pause

SHE: There they were, sat neatly next to the bewildering array of moisturisers, facemasks and anti wrinkle creams, as though they too were a mass marketable remedy to solve the problem. There they sat waiting, ready for me to abuse, but I couldn’t move, just couldn’t seem to relinquish my grip on the sink. (Beat. HIM and HER lift SHE back up. beat. HIM and SHE step back onto their own blocks facing the front. Beat)


HER: The coldness of the porcelain and the pressure of my grip were seeping into my fingers making pins and needles nip at them like hungry terrapins. (Beat. HER puts her hand on SHE’s shoulder, SHE puts her hand on HIM’s shoulder. Beat. All look SL.)
A wave of nausea crept up into my throat and flooded my mouth with a vile juice and I swallowed hard to fight it back (Beat. All sway to their right. Beat. All drop their hands down. Beat. All look to front. Beat). I wanted to reach up and grab them from the cabinet (Beat. HER turns to face SHE. Beat. She swings her leg over HER’s shoulder and reaches up. Beat), but I just couldn’t (SHE comes down. Beat and HER turns to face the front again), I was rooted to the basin (Beat. All hold hands. Beat. All go up on toes and come back down. Beat. All drop hands. Beat) and floor; suddenly I felt lumbering and foolish.

Pause

SHE: I shuffled my ridiculously heavy numb body (HIM down on one knee) and deposited it clumsily on the edge of the bath (SHE sits on the shoulder of HIM). The ceramic edge was cold despite the hot water tumbling into its capacity. I let my back sag like a lolling tongue and my arms drop beside me. (HER turns to SHE lifts her chin and turns SHE’s head out towards the audience, then let’s go) I cried. (HER starts to do shuddering breath and body motion) Huge wailing sobs burst out of me and sank into the steam; the tears cascaded off my cheeks and down my chest leaving slick wet trails. I wanted to reach up, to stand up and get them, but I just couldn’t. (HIM stand up and this pushes SHE across to HER, who then pushes SHE over HIM’s shoulder. Beat. Him lifts SHE and HER gets SHE’s legs. Beat. They both lift her up and turn her, so that SHE is facing FS) I wanted to find the strength. I wanted to move, to be moved, but nothing, just still numbness and tears. (SHE flips herself off His back, legs coming over the top of HIM into a standing position.)
We will finish blocking the moon text tomorrow. After watching back the tapes from yesterdays session, I have compiled a new block of text, it was the devising games that generated this piece of text. I have known that there was going to be inscription but I was not sure how that was going happen….if at all once we got going but watching back the tapes inspired me to compile this text which I think will be perfect to do something with for the inscriptions on the body. We will have to have a play with it. We may not even use it all, but I will take it along and see what we can get out of it. Here it is:


HER: The used to pull her hair.
They like to make her wait.
They sometimes forget about her.
They don’t realise when she is dying inside.
They threw her out of the top floor window.
They always make her feel inadequate.
They heckled for her to jump.
They tear her flesh with their eyes.
They left her out in the rain.

HIM: They forgot to tell her the truth.
They told her that she would never amount to anything.
They laughed when she made a mistake.
They used to call her derogatory names.
They sometimes throw sticks and stones.
They always hurt her with their sharp tongues.
They take pleasure in her stinging tears.
They held her on the ground for him.

SHE: They tried to cave her skull in.
They never listen when she speaks.
They shit on all her ideas.
They poke her with their wit until she cries.
They used to tell her whopping great lies.
They always make her do it first.
They have broken her heart repeatedly.
They spit in her hair when they think she is not looking.
They used to lock her in the dark place.
They keep forgetting to come for her.
The piss on all her dreams.